Reality set in as the sound of the alarm broke my sleep. The weekend was officially over and Monday had reared her ugly head. The sun was peeking through the blinds as I laid, trying to muster up energy to get out of the bed. Before I could even open my eyes I hear Gerard saying, “Man!”
The tone in his voice immediately left me uneasy. You know like when your phone rings in the middle of the night? That pit in your stomach starts to form while all kinds of unsettling thoughts run rampant in your mind. Yeah, that feeling.
With hesitation I ask, “What happened?”
His response, “There was a mass shooting in Vegas.”
My heart begins to break for yet another tragedy in the world. Then immediately I became overcome with fear and maybe a teeny, tiny bit of anxiety.
We have a trip planned there in a couple weeks. Now those prior unsettling thoughts changed into horrible scenarios of what could happen. I questioned, “Should we still go? I mean, I do have trip insurance and can cancel it. Then a scripture came to mind and calmed my nerves – 2 Timothy 1:7, “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.”
Thinking about the whole Vegas situation made me realize something about myself. I harbor a lot of fears. Not like ‘jump out of my shoes when I see my own shadow’ kind-of -fear.
Instead, it’s the kind that….
- Has put a lock on my heart and stored away the key in a place called vulnerability that I don’t want to touch at times.
- Makes me look at my child and regret past decisions for fear she won’t look at me as her role model.
- Causes me to limit myself from experiencing so much because I downplay who I really am.
- Leaves me afraid of the future since I have no clue of what it holds for me and I can’t control it.
- And the list can go on and on and on.
Fear has made me believe I don’t belong where I really do. Fear encourages me to trade in God’s destination for my life all for a safe place one of my friends calls “the pink bubble.” It finds all of my weak spots and fuels them with insecurities. And to top it all off, it continuously steals my peace, identity, confidence, and self-worth in the process. It’s a real-life enemy that doesn’t fight fair.
Truth be told, every single person in the world struggles with something and mine so happens to be fear. And I’m pretty sure there have been countless times it’s detoured me from going places I was supposed to go. But there’s some good news I forgot to share – fear hasn’t won this fight. Especially since I don’t fight fair either! God is my secret weapon. He’s with me and has already fought AND won every battle I face. His only requirement is that I don’t stop fighting. If I do, that means I’ve given up on Him.
So, whatever internal battle you’re fighting I encourage you to keep doing just that – FIGHT. And don’t fight fair either because you don’t have to. You carry the same secret weapon inside of you and the power it possesses is absolutely amazing. Now go face your battle head-on and show it who’s the boss!