“God is not man, that he should lie, or a son of man, that he should change his mind. Has he said, and will he not do it? Or has he spoken, and will he not fulfill it?” –Numbers 23:19
Sitting at my desk this past Monday I found myself staring at the computer screen, physically present yet mentally far away. My mind had wandered off and created a highlight reel I was tuned into.
Gerard and I had to make a couple big decisions this week and time was of the essence. So the highlight reel was my own ESPN-style play-by-play of all the possible scenarios I could foresee.
As I continued to watch these scenarios over and over, I became uneasy and apprehensive. My stomach was nervous and my appetite had vanished. Stress filled my body, leaving me tense. The uneasiness I felt was followed by fear and panic, creating so much anxiety.
I couldn’t figure out why though. I mean everything checked out after reviewing all of the necessary information. So we were making an informed decision. And we had been seeking God in this process. But saying “yes” would require us to venture further out into unchartered territory. In other words, it would require faith.
Wanting to make sure I wasn’t over-thinking, I texted Gerard in mid-panic. Now, those of you who know him know that he’s pretty calm, cool, and collected. So when I started talking to him, (more like unloading the facts) his response kind-of caught me off guard.
“Are you having a bad day?” he replied.
I was taken back by what he just asked, especially because I wasn’t. Answering, “No,” I began to evaluate myself.
Was I really having a bad day?
What in the world was going on with me?
Why was I overly anxious?
Better yet, why was I trying to talk us out of a blessing God had standing right before us, knowing it was something we had been praying about?
Sad to say, it was because I allowed the enemy to play his own highlight reel and I sat there and watched *shakes head*. He was trying to serve me some alternative facts (or fake news, whichever term you prefer). His reel showed me replays of multiple exquisite promises broken by people I actually trusted. By watching this, wounds I thought were closed actually opened up, causing me to not trust a very trustworthy being in my life – God. He wanted to distract me and it ALMOST worked.
So when I realized the faith I’d worked so hard to build wasn’t getting exercised I had to check my own self! “Eboni, how can you have faith in God if you don’t trust Him?”
Well, I cant! Faith without trust in God is no faith at all. I wasn’t about to let the enemy cause me to forfeit what Gerard and I had been so diligently praying for!
Then my mom said something that calmed me down even more and confirmed what I just learned. “It’s the enemy coming to steal your pure motives and your whys. Our God is a big God and He will never withhold any good thing from us. So don’t allow the enemy to abort the provision God has already destined for you guys!”
Pretty calming. Right?
See God has a highlight reel too. And after watching it I was reminded of how impeccable His track record was and how it makes me want to exercise my faith even more. So that’s what I did! Now, Gerard and I are actually about to experience what we had been praying for. Something way bigger than us but we’re more than confident that God is in it and we have peace.
So friends, I’m here to let you know, it’s okay to be scared about your next move. It just means it requires God and you have to exercise your faith not your strength. And remember to be aware of the highlight reel you watch.